Friday, November 18, 2011

. the Sailor .

Oh, the North winds are blowing
and I can't see beyond the fog.
It's been 10 weeks since I've held my son
and my one true love.

The black waters keep rolling
In the distance a lonely horn
and the gael starts screaming
as we sail the eye of the storm.

But in the dead of night, with no land in sight
you feel a silence, a silence deep in your bones.
and the sirens sings and your eyes see things
makes you wonder, will I ever get home?

And the waves pour around us
try and keep a level head
with no sleep and a face full of drink
you think you're better off dead

My father worked on a trawler
and his father too
he said "do what you can, stay on land."
but these veins salt water runs through

And in the dead of night, with no land in sight
you feel a silence, a silence deep in your bones.
though the sirens sings and your eyes see things
you wonder, will I ever get home?

And the haul's on for hours.
My fingers are frozen stone
and my fears play cruel games.
I see lost sailors in the foam.

There's a red sky tonight
and no more lines to set.
Home we will go with riches in tow
but my heart will not soon forget.

In the dead of night, with no land in sight
you feel a silence, a silence deep in your bones.
and the sirens sings and your eyes see things
makes you wonder, will I ever get home?
will I ever get home....

S. Fae Wiedenhoeft

Sunday, October 16, 2011

. on the verge.

i feel a storm brewing
a change is coming soon
the north winds start a blowin'
and the seas grow dark and loom

i do not know what is to come
if illusions will blind my spark
if my true love will stay with me
or if folly will break my heart

there is a change a comin
a laughter is on the wind
the serpent, it is coiling
and a new path begins

the trees are shedding secrets
a wisdom swirls around
my soul is drenched and pining
and light is scarcely found

and yet i am returning
to the birthplace of my soul
to the shores of Eire's dreams
To the shores of Eire's lore

and in my palm is a glowing orb
of hope and love, no fear
to feel the arms ancestral stars
to hold the darkness near

to know the dark is to know the light
without it we lost
beloved sun and crimson moon
caught in the heat and frost

the mossy stones, the oak and ash
a dance to the mummer's song
for in the spring a reckoning
on the verge of lost and found

fae 16oct11

Saturday, May 28, 2011

when the surrender button is stuck

I've been performing in front of live audiences since the age of 12. I've played for family, friends, school functions, choral programs, big stage shows, cafes, pubs, festivals, and international audiences of over 2000. And while I have banked all these stage hours, I still get nervous to get on stage.

This past week was a buzz with the CD finalization, promotion correspondence and meetings, new student preparation, lesson planning for summer programs, etc. I had very little sleep and downtime.

The week started with my student's voice recital on Sunday. What a remarkable experience it was to witness the growth of my young singers/performers. Many of my students were performing for the first time ever. There were little nervous eyes staring back at me during our warm-up/pep talk before the recital. I remember quoting my past teachers and the wise words they spoke to me before going on stage…

My choral teacher, Mrs. Robbins, said, "Bend your knees.. Breathe!. You do not want to faint."

Chuck Soumar, vocal coach for Morton High School productions and from the band The Ides Of March, told me before the opening night of Fiorello, "Sing like you will never have another opportunity to sing again in your lifetime."

Kind and honest words from Tom Rusnak, my theatre teacher, rang out, "Trust yourself. It's all there."

My students rocked the recital! I am so proud of their journey! It was amazing to see them wrangle their nerves, find their breath, and sing out!

Last night at the Northwest FolkLife Festival, I had such a case of nerves.
I was knock kneed, short of breath, and my mind was a flutter. One of my reset buttons when my nerves get jumbled is to mutter internally 'surrender'.
First song... "Surrender"... still short of breath.. can't hear my guitar, ... insert about 4,000 other worries and silly concerns....
Second song... "Surrender"... still jumbly.. still knock kneed... was kicking myself for eating those Might O doughnuts an hour before the show.. Perhaps I was all jazzed up on sugar! Oye!
Third song.. "Surrender".... a bit better. The tune was an old standby for us. It was pretty solid.
Fourth song... the new song... the one I was most tangled about. My hands were shaking; my heart was snuggling up with my tonsils. Deep breath "Surrender.. Surrender.. Surrender..". I ebbed and flowed. The song is deeply personal and that alone is sometimes an uphill endurance adventure. To allow yourself to become vulnerable in front of 50+ strangers is a tough one. By end I think I was surfacing back in the land of the normal.

After the show, many friends and fans greeted us with "well Done" and "great job". We made some great contacts, sold CDs. I am very proud of the band and their performance. They rocked it. I am also my worst critic and felt that I cheated them in some way for being out of the performance for so long. It was my dear friend, Dan Niven, who I believe is truly an angel, that told me, in essence, to relax and to assume the theatrical light. He was so right! I suppose sometimes smiling with your upper teeth while your heart is on Mister Toady's wild ride can be complicated. :D

Full circle

There are days when the freckle-faced, 15 year old, "Sandy" who is getting ready for opening night of Guys and Dolls peeks through my thirty something eyes. She makes me remember that getting lost in my head isn't going to get me through the show; it keeps me from the magic. It is humbling to have these kinds of experiences. Keeps my ego in check, keeps me in the moment, and reminds me to surrender and let it happen.

"Trust... it's all there!"
Thanks TR.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

. Gold .

A new tune written on the may full moon...


I need a question without an answer
i need a vast sky to get swallowed in
I need a story with a happy ending
And a new one waiting to begin.

I need a sunset I can hold in my teacup.
I need a horse to take me to the edge of the world.
I need the wonder I held as a child
And a whiskey with my dearest pals

These days roll on like thunder
These years skip by too fast
One day we're running free as naked as a breeze
And the next one could be our last
But i know...
This life is gold.

I need no books on mediation.
I need no fortuneteller to tell me my path
I need a beach, my guitar, and glowing fire
And some friends to share a laugh

I need a day without phone calls and computers
I need a street with no traffic to fight
I need a smile from a perfect stranger
And a clear and star-filled night

These days roll on like thunder
These years skip by too fast
One day we're running free as naked as a breeze
And the next one could be our last
But i know...
This life is gold.

may 9, 2011 s.fae wiedenhoeft

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Like a lion in the sky...

photos by fae.. tulsa zoo 2007

"The March wind roars
Like a lion in the sky,
And makes us shiver
As he passes by.

When winds are soft,
And the days are warm and clear,
Just like a gentle lamb,
Then spring is here."
- Author Unknown

I have a roar.. I am bent up, cooped in, needing nature, ocean, old friends, big sweaters, and a seaside fire. The winter has officially got to me.

As my body is still feeling the effects of this never ending cold, I finally have put to rest my frustration with myself for not completing this year's RPM challenge. This is a challenge that I have participated in during the last 4 years. One has to write a complete album of music in the month of February to complete it. While I was able to create some tunes, nothing seemed to flow. My muse felt chained to a rock. I felt like nothing was fresh.. I was spinning my wheels. This was very hard for me. But quite a lesson for me to just let go....

The month also held for me a great sadness as I am still dealing with the passing of my father. His birthday was February 12 and we happened to have a gig that night. The phenomenal people within my band SeaStar helped arrange a great version of "El Paso" by Marty Robbins. This was one of my Dad's favorite tunes. Falcone sang it so well and Geli played the opening riff with precision! The folks loved it and we had everyone toast to my Dad. I truly believe I felt his presence there with us that night!

About a week before that night, there was a change in our band lineup. Doug decided to leave and that set me for a loop. While bands are never an easy thing to manage, they are a lesson in relationships. We wish him well and are grateful for his contributions to the music.

The upswings of the month were traveling to Index, WA and meeting Pat Sample of Paradise Sound. We will start recording our new CD with Pat in April! It is very exciting! Our pledge drive on Kickstarter has been slow and but steady. We are currently raising money to fund the new CD. You can help by visiting our Kickstarter page. We hope that folks will look at it as a pre-sale to the new CD. We promise you will not be disappointed! We have 30 days to make it to $4500. If we do not make our goal, we do not get the money and you will not be charged. But my fingers, toes, and armpits are crossed that we will make it to our goal and perhaps beyond!!

The band has also had some fun gigs this month! We had a lovely night in Arlington, WA playing the Mirkwood Cafe. Wonderful folks there! I truly love making music with Captain, Geli, & Falcone... Not only are they lovely friends, they make my heart feel free. Big kudos to them.

So.. on to March.. new month, new page.. always feels like a fresh start.
We are playing 3 gigs this montb! Should be great fun. I also updated a new website for the band Trying to keep things neat and tidy.

My fingers are also crossed that I can get away with Captain a weekend this month. I need that seaside fire, the woods, the sound of the water to set me back to me. Funny how life can knock one off balance! Thankfully, I like to get back up.. even if I have to crawl and eat a little dirt. quite the lesson. we are always so hard on ourselves. once we let go.. our shoulders do not feel so heavy and the light can touch our foreheads. true wisdom happens when we just stop thinking.