Sunday, September 23, 2007

. love and loss .

. love and loss .

i have always been the type of person who appreciates what is happening while it happens... savours flavours, and remembers silly details about the day.
i associate music with people i love or loath... i even get an emotional recall when the atmosphere outside is a certain stillness, or grayness...or tickles my nose with the play of rain...

my mom called me yesterday right before we were embarking on our whidby island expedition... she called with a quiver in her voice and told me that it had been time for LJ, one of our family dogs, to be put down. funny how sentimental i am. how i get sooo wrapped up in animals as being more as family members than pets...

she had been going down hill for awhile, but the last three days my parents did all that they could for her. i know that it was sooo hard for them to have to deal with this kind of thing. my mom told me it was like having one of her own kids die.. she's strong.. yet broken up by it.

so the last day or so i have been a bit uneasy.. i am fully rational and have accepted the passing of LJ, even happy that her suffering has ended and that her spirit can play and run without any limitations; but, what has been leaving me with anxiety is how Hooch, LJ's sister, will deal with the loss of her sibling. i worry about my dad and his attachment to them... i guess i just feel so far away from them and wish i could do more to help them mourn and cope. i know that we have to process such feelings and in time they hurt less.. but i wish that i could do more.

i talked to my mom for almost an hour and 45 mins today.. and we left with a bit of lightness on the phone. we had chuckled about old times and how life goes by so quickly. we made a little pact that we would try to live fully each day. drink in the sun, and savour our relations with others.

so this is a reminder those who read this, and perhaps myself too.. that we need to live each day being devoted to that day and not in the past or lost in the future. savor the moment when you notice that the afternoon sun is kissing the trees that try to touch the stars.. be present with your families.. even when miles are between you and listen to their words rather than interject the occasional uh huhs.. while you are multitasking...

the moment is real.
i enjoyed each moment with my old friend LJ.. i will miss her soo much. but i know that i truly was in the moment the times i spent with her.

savour each breath.

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